I lived apart from my friends and family the past years and have moved a couple of times. Interestingly, mostly the good experiences have stuck in my memory. But now that I’m going through similar struggles as back then, some of the difficulties are brought back to mind.
I hate leaving. I can’t stand it. I’ve been here for only a month now, but Oxford is absolutely breathtaking, my colleagues are superb. Maybe I’m just too positive a person and happy anywhere, I don’t know. Point is, I find it extremely hard to leave. I am quite glad to be going home for Christmas, to see my friends and family. But I keep thinking of the experiments I’d like to do, the musea I’d like to visit, the neighbours I’d like to chat with and so on. Worst; in two weeks I’ll be leaving again. I’ll feel like the time spent at home wasn’t nearly enough and feel all sad saying goodbye again. Once I am somewhere, it’s mostly fine, but this going back and forth and constant feeling of missing out on things, not sharing in important moments, it makes me sad.
On the other hand; if I hadn’t come here, I wouldn’t have met all these people and seen all these sights. I don’t think I’ll ever regret coming here, it’s good to be here. I just wonder how many pieces of my heart I can leave in different places before it becomes too much. There’s my hometown, the place where I did my BSc, another for my MSc, a fourth for my PhD and now Oxford. I still have friends in all of them and am really happy I’ve lived in those places. But boy, I hate leaving. Sometimes, I’m jealous of the people who grow up in their hometowns, surrounded by their friends and family. However, deep within, I know that wouldn’t make me happy. I’d grow restless. So I guess I’ll just have to get better at temporary goodbyes, learn to accept they are temporary indeed and not forever.
And with that, I’d like to leave you all for Christmas. Don’t think I’ll have much time for the digital worlds in between many meetings and goodbyes 🙂 Hope you all have a very merry Christmas!